I will die if light touches me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
