Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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