I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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