another moral hangover. fuck.
smell my finger.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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