I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
