just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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