Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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