when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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