If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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