I wish I could teleport
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
