You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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