we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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