Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize