Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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