maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
