she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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