dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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