I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
