would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
