is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
