dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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