then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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