....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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