I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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