Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
