Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
