im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
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i've created a new STD.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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