i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
