she pinky promised me she was 18
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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