haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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