3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
