that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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