sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
