Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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