It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
