i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
