God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize