i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Couch. On fire.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
