hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
