After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
