I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
