I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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