girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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