dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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