Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
