I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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