ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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