Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
