You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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