Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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