He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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