I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
