Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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