so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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