i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
