Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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