oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
