dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
