I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
