I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
