just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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