Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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