The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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