Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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