i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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