Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
