just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
