Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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