Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Damn victory sex feels great
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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