Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize