There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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