It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
