Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
