Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
