yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
