I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
